Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
