I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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