The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
