you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think your dad took our porno
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
