White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
