at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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