This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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