We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
