The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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