I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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