Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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