just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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