i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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