Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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