She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
