My first STD was from a foam party
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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