could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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