My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
