i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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