This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
