New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
