Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
