it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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