Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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