I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
