i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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