New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
