aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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