idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
