i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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