woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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