fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
