When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
