ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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