ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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