I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
