a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
