Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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