I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
