Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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