She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
