I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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