Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
