He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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