The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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