Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
