Your tits are I can't wait for
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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