So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
