if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
