I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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