What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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