the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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