i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize