I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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