fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
