I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
