Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
