She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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