I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
