On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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