Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
