he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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