I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
