Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
