My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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