Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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