I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
