I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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