can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I believe in your delicious
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
