are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
