I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize