Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
