i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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