hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
