8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
