My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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