you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
