Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
