so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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