Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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