Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
