Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
