I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.