Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.