I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster