He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.