we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.