you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You pole danced in your parka.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
