allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.